tara chau

Lately, I’ve been getting myself into some trouble. I realize that I am a person with many, many, many, flaws. It just means that I learn from my mistakes at a slower pace. Every event in my life is a learning experience, and this is just the process of living the life that I am blessed with. I believe that a life full of mistakes and conflicts is a life more worth living than one that is done according to the book. It builds our character, teaches us a lesson, and become wiser through the morals that we acquire. There are times where I feel like I have reached the lowest point in my life. There are times where I feel like I’m not doing anything right. There are going to be times where anyone could feel the exact same way, but everything happens for a reason. All we can do is propel ourselves forward, and grasp the positive opportunities that linger across our path. I’m still young, and I have plenty of time to learn.

I have so many regrets in my life, but the greatest regret that I have is towards how I am dealing with the things that I constantly regret. I’m not okay, and I haven’t been in a very long time. Quite frankly, I am disappointed in myself. I’ve been telling myself that if I keep on recklessly going out and acting carefree, it would show you and everyone else that I’m okay; That I’m moving on; That I don’t care about what you think anymore. I am so worried about wanting you to believe that I’m happy, that I’m blinded from what really makes me content. Needless to say, it just goes to show that I still care about what you think, no matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise.

Yesterday, I had some good quality time by myself. I did some homework, watched some television, and went to bed early. It felt great. I woke up feeling truly content for the first time in a while. The temporary happiness that I felt after a night of careless fun isn’t worth the emptiness that I feel each morning anymore. I need to start thinking about what’s best for myself, and not what’s best for my emotions. So I told myself today that I’m going to give a go at being happy again. This time, the right way. The way you would want me to be. The way I would want myself to be. If you were ever wondering, aside from the constant adventures and partying, I’ve been good. I’ve been going to class, caught up with work, and I even found myself new hobbies. I suddenly developed a sincere love for the wilderness and outdoors. I even bought really nice shoes so that I can go hiking and running. It’s incredibly amazing how much beauty and wonders our earth contains.

For several days now, I’ve been planning to get lost in the forest with nothing but the clothes on my back… I’ve been researching survival tactics and techniques. I think I would totally end up crying beside a tree for 10 hours until someone comes looking for me, but maybe I’ll be able to engulf myself in the serenity of nature and become enlightened. Haha. Tonight, there’s only me, myself, and I. It took a lot of unnecessary detours and perilous plunges for me realize how much better I can be, but I feel like this time I will be able to manage. One day, I will be as good of a person as you are. 

Someone once told me, “Each person will always have that one special person in their life.” For me, that person came and gone. The hardest part about saying “Good-bye” is realizing that you will have to move on, turn over a new leaf, and propel yourself into the future. You’ve taught me so much. You’ve given me so much. You’ve inspired me to enjoy the finer things in life, find interest in gaining more knowledge, and most all, learn from my actions and mistakes. When I’m feeling sad, you always told me to look at my life as a whole, and figure out what real happiness is. You told me that the sorrows of today seem miniscule if I look at how happy I can be in a couple of years with a career, spouse, and children. For this, I loved you dearly.

I know that you are destined for far greater things in this world, and I believe that you will make it out successful, happy, and satisfied with life. You deserve everything going for you, because you work long and hard for the best. I’ve made many wrong decisions, and although I constantly wish that I can change the past, I can only move forward. I’m sorry that it took this much for me to realize SO many things; Many things that I should not speak of anymore. You were always there helping me fix my many flaws, but I understand that you can’t do that anymore. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me love you, know you, and be with you. Thank you for giving me this chance to learn from the mistakes in our relationship; However, It’s time that I really let go.

Things have changed, and even if I beat myself up for it, it will not change back. It’s time that I finally listen to the sense that you have been trying to give me. It’s time that I listen to my head, instead of my heart, because too much “Sensibility” will only destroy me; Too much “Sense” will only destroy you also. It’s time that I started shaping myself to become a bigger and and better person. That way, I can find my true happiness. We can’t be together anymore, but I wanted everyone to know how much you once meant to me. I wish I can give you a meaningful quote, like the ones you always give me, but I think this post is already one on its own.

Hello sir, I am sure that you know who you are. I wanted to share say that although we have events in our own lives that are building road blocks to our friendship, we never lose that closeness that we gain with years of knowing, laughs, hardships.

A best friend is one who you are able to talk with again, after days, weeks, or months of distance. A best friend is someone you can love like a sister. Someone who knows both your highlights, and your flaws. someone who shares all the good qualities you contain, and accepts the negatives you hold. Someone who puts herself in your shoes, and look at it from your perspective. Someone who talks to you on the phone early in the A.M, when you are crying, although they are really tired. Someone, who will always wish for you to obtain what it is that would make you happy.

You are my best friend, and a very significant person in my life. We experienced our teenage years together, made mistakes, learned from them, cried together, argued with each other, hurt each other, comfort each other, respect each other, and most of all make an effort to stay in one another’s lives.

2005- forever <3

Love is universal.  It is also unconditional. It is the language that speaks to all hearts. Beyond borders and continents, love keeps its form. It builds compassion and feelings through interaction and thoughts.

When you love someone, you put them before yourself. You take care of them and watch over them. You caress their face gently and tell them how much they mean to you. You believe in fate and destiny. You will do anything for them, and ask for nothing more. You will better yourself and allow them to bring out the good in you. You will always be by their side, through the good times, and the bad. You’re happiness comes from their genuine contentment. They become a part of your life that you cannot ever, easily let go. When you love someone, you want him or her to feel important, always.

My boyfriend is a special addition in my life, he has taught me to go beyond my perspective and view myself, others, and the world, in a different light. This goes out to him.

ALthough it hasn’t been a long time since we’ve been with each other, I Love You Kevin Sison.

4/1/11- and counting <3

You know you care about someone when you love them despite what kind of person they are, or what kind of person they have become. Caring about someone means to want what is best for them, but at the same time respect what they want to do. Caring includes watching cautiously from the sidelines, and making sure they will always be safe. Caring, will always be a feeling that I have towards you. Sometimes it is difficult to express certain feelings, however it may all be for the best. No matter what, I will always be someone who is here for you until the very end.